希望

私はこの睡眠から目覚めた

これらの願いは漂っている

それはここに終わる


私は信頼する ...


いつの日か神は私に答える

We can go on and on...

It's strange that ppl still hide despite knowing that He cares. Despite knowing what it is written. Despite knowing He is waiting for you to turn around.

The hide i'm saying here is to turn away from what He has spoken to you in many ways for you to change. And also hiding away ur true self.

But i think its no use hiding and not doing something about it. Cos' its a matter of time the issue will be right in front of ur face again. And each time it does, it is more difficult to overcome. It needs another level of covering it up.

And the more layers you try to cover, the more you find it difficult to allow His truth / light expose into your life.

Ok.. intense. But i just want to make a point. Becos' i do think that ppl who do not want to share could be becos' they are inferior in who they are. Refuse to allow ppl to see another side of their vulnerability. They may think that ppl will not have the "usual" impression on them. Fear. Insecurity. Untrusting. Hurts. Self Esteem.. etc etc

I know how it feels like. You just want to hide.

But these are not excuses of not dealing with them. Big no no.

Putting on a force front is tiring. I did that before - its not worth it. I would rather come to Him in tears, share with ppl whom can speak life and take responsibility of that issue. Set aside the emotions cos' they are just momentarily. We cant just base on how we feel all the time to make decisions. Easy to say but can be done.

Unless, one have made a decision to change. else i think its rather difficult for one to see a breakthrough. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, "Enough of pity parties! move on!"

Yes, God loves. But He sure has rebuke me through words, ppl and situations etc. That's love too. Love is speaking the truth even when it hurts.

:) i'm bless to have friends who share, who encourages. Its always good to have friends who are supportive.

Ok not sure if i'm making any sense here.. but i think most went through the hard way too just to confront their insecurities. But hey, its a rewarding experience once you conquer one of the mountains :)

And its all worth it.

Not Impressed

Felt weird these days.

Its one of those days where you just want to hide. Be alone. I'm weird. Odd. Strange.

Many things coming up at work, sth is brewing. Anyway, one of my colleague confide in me lately that she cant take it any longer becos' of the 'continual handover' to another team. (Its a long story)

Job frustrations. Or rather ppl frustrates.

Anyway back to the point, she is feeling stressed up and cant sleep in the night. And sometimes she even broke down and cry. She told me today that this year she needs to build herself up. I told her she dont have to rely on her strength. She gave me a bewildered look and asked why.

I explained. But i didnt get to the whole God topic yet. Just shared with her my experiences etc. And while i was doing that, i thought to myself, will He uses my testimony to bless someone? Answer is obviously a yes. But i doubted. I doubted that my words have no effect on ppl. -- this is a weakness!!!

Sigh.... i know i know..

I always ask Him to use me as a life testimony.. and when the real thing comes, unbelief cames in. Unbelief in myself. A lack of confidence in Him.

He's not impressed. so am i.....

Hit me with good advice

I think i figured out what it actually meant by :

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. —Proverbs 27:6

I mean as in really understood the meaning.

Sometimes i wish He will deal with me in a hard way so this stubborn personality of mine will be whipped.

He didn't. Thankfully. becos' that would be by force, and of cos, i dont think i'll accept or repent. =P

Well, i'm not perfect (and will never be but striving to be close to that) and i should welcome counsel from friends who gives good advice. Reliable friends will motivate you to change for the better. Friends who speak into your life.

“Let the righteous strike me; it shall be a kindness. Let him rebuke me; it shall be as excellent oil; let my head not refuse it” (Ps. 141:5).

Great stuff.

While jogging

Went for a short jog just a few hours ago. Went fellowshipping with Him while jogging was fun. Ha.

Sat there on the bench thinking to myself.. that there are things which you simply won't get any answers. There are times when you just have to stop asking "why" and accept the way things are. He reminds.

And it is comforting to know that He knows what to do with me, rather than me knowing what to do with myself. At least when i didnt know what to do, He knows.

Meditate on how big God is. He gives the best. I trust.

We are here for His pleasure. We are here because He wants our fellowship.

We serve a Great God.

Keeping the smile in you

Nice pic i have here, dont you think? ;)

The 3rd day of CNY already.. time is a thief. Very soon, we'll have to get back into action - Work (haha ok i shall not rub it in - preservere)

Seems like as you get older, CNY become just a normal holiday where you can just laze at home (besides the eating and all) or just meet up with friends etc.

But am glad that i had some quality time with friends whom we have not meet for quite awhile. We chatted till 4am. Yes, we redeemed the long lost time to talk for that night. From social economics, to complaints, relationships, future etc. I like it esp. when friends are honest and open to speak their minds though we have different opinions. It doesnt matter. The common thing is understanding.

I have this friend whom i've always wanted to reach out to. She's one of my sec school mates whom we've known each other for years. That night, she poured out what she has been bottling up - her family relationships, it is sth which not many can understand. Becos' of busy work schedules, we seldom have a chance to meet up.

Its an excuse. becos' ppl are selfish with time. I'm one of them.

It reminds me of what Joyce Meyer says in a book: "The world is filled with sad, hurting people. Don't put off until tomorrow of what you can do today. You can put smiles on faces. You can be a smile giver. Use what you have in your hand to make someone else's life get better." Giving is the best way to receive. It works. When you give sth to your neighbours, surely they'll feel awkward if they dont give sth in return to you? I mean its a common cycle among ppl. Of cos, we dont give just becos' we want sth in return. We are called to be different.

However, its always the case, when you have been placed with sth which you really need to do, you simply didnt feel like doing it. At least its for my case.

Start with the ppl around me first if i really want to help.

I need to remind myself to focus on the things i can do and not the things i cant do? Mother Teresa said this well.. "If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one". Great advice. I think sometimes we all want to be bigger and that measure we have in mind is to reach out to the hundreds. If i cant start with what i have, how to i get far from here?

Keep my eyes on Him. After all, it isnt about me :)

Honestly i really do not like the start of the week.

After the weekends, its always a "struggle" to adjust back to the routine work life.

Emails, phonecalls, meetings, interviews; emails, phonecalls, meetings, interviews.

Nothing stops. Sometimes it is irking.

And I have this strange candidate who keeps asking why she was not selected for a 2nd interivew. And all i could reply is that her skills do not match the job requirements. Apparently, she does not seems to get it. (?)

Oh well...

Is this what it means by starting all over again? (-_____-)

Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun.. and you go back to the basics. Again and again until you are refinED.

Not funny. And i'm really sleepy now.

Some thoughts..

I guess in everyone of us, there's this desire to be someone bigger. Like E says, we are born for BIGGER things.

No reason why i'm saying this. Just thinking about this 'something' which i would really want to move on to. Funny thing is that, it stirs and calls one to be reminded again and again. It is not to be ignored.

I like it when P.Tan shared on the phrase by Mother Theresa, "I'm not called to be successful, I'm called to be faithful."

Guess it must have taken several times of similar events to occur and to eventually making this to be a statement. I've taken lightly many of the things which was being said and realised that the whole story here is i'm not the main lead.

This stage is not build for my own enjoyment.

Its amazing how a man who was so crushed by his own physical circumstances could stand up and shout that He is good. He still uses this man who testify of His Greatness.

Its amazing how He showed us love in many ways. Through people, the homeless, the poor, through sadness, through joy.

There's so much to offer. And i'm thankful that He uses me. I want to be used in whichever way He directs. Though i know i'll definitely squirm when time comes. ;)

I want to be someone who waters, who plants and sows. The after effect is that you'll get watered as well. You'll be blessed by the person whom you blessed. Not saying about having good returns of doing good. But this blessing is something which is neither in monetary terms nor material stuff. Something GREATER.

I've many thoughts tonight which i cant express? Ha.

And i do THINK. its just a matter of expression. =P

And Daph, even if its not what it seems.. He directs. You obey.